Caring for Aging Parents Without Losing Yourself
Let’s just say it: this season of life is a lot.
We’re raising kids, trying to keep our marriages somewhat alive, navigating careers, and now—on top of everything—we’re also becoming the caregivers for our parents. It’s like we blinked and suddenly we were the “responsible adult” in the room.
I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t exactly ready for this shift. One day I was calling my mom to ask how to get gum out of hair, and now I’m coordinating her specialist appointments, managing medications, and wondering how in the world I’m supposed to do all of this and still be me.
If you’re in this phase, just know: you are not alone.
I see you. I am you. And I’ve learned a few things that are helping me stay grounded, somewhat sane, and still find little pockets of joy—even when life feels heavy.
So, let’s get into it. Grab a tea, a wine, or whatever feels right, and let’s talk about how to care for your parents without losing yourself along the way.
1. You Can’t Keep It All In Your Head (And You Shouldn’t Try To)
The appointments, the medications, the mood changes, the weird comments your dad made that you’re now Googling to see if they’re a sign of something more…
It’s too much. You don’t need to carry it all in your brain.
💡 Girlfriend tip: I started using this Caregiver Journal and OMG—it’s like a pressure valve released. I jot down daily notes, reminders, concerns… even how I’m feeling. It’s not just for them—it’s for me too. Keeping it all written down helps me sleep better at night. And yes, it’s cute and lowkey therapeutic.
2. Multitask… but Make It Life-Giving
There are only so many hours in a day—and most of mine seem to be spent in traffic or folding laundry. But I’ve started using that time to pour something back into myself.
🎧 I signed up for Audible, and now I “read” while doing errands. Whether it’s a self-help book, something spiritual, or a spicy novel that has nothing to do with caregiving—I’m reclaiming that time. And it seriously makes errands feel less soul-sucking.
Bonus: They have tons of caregiver-related books too if you’re in the mood to learn while you load groceries into the car.
3. Boundaries Aren’t Mean. They’re a Lifeline.
This one is hard. Really hard.
But I had to learn that just because I care deeply doesn’t mean I can do everything. I started saying things like “I can help you after work, not during,” or “I need Sundays to recharge.”
And yes, I felt guilty at first. But I’m a better daughter (and a better human) when I’m not drowning in exhaustion and resentment.
4. Make Space for Tiny Joys
You might not have time for a full spa day (although I dream about one weekly), but 15 quiet minutes with a book and hot tea? That’s doable. And powerful.
📖 Enter my new obsession: the Amazon Kindle Paperwhite. It’s light, easy on the eyes, and fits in my purse. I sneak in chapters while waiting at appointments or sitting in my car for just a few extra moments of silence. If you’ve forgotten how good it feels to get lost in a book, trust me—this will remind you.
Need recs? Some of my go-tos lately:
- “Weyward” by Emelia Hart (for when you want to feel that womanly energy)
- “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle (when you need a reminder that you’re a badass)
- “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig (when you need perspective and hope)
All on Kindle. Most on Audible too. Yes, I double-dip.
5. Ask for Help Without Apologizing
Listen, you are strong—but you’re not a robot. You’re not supposed to do all of this by yourself. It’s okay to ask your siblings for help (even if they’re not great at offering it). It’s okay to bring in outside support. It’s okay to say, “I can’t do this today.”
Outsourcing isn’t failure—it’s survival. I’ve used grocery delivery, a cleaning service when things got really bad, and even a meal kit or two. Every little bit helps.
6. You Still Deserve to Dream, Laugh, and Feel Like You
I’ll say this until I’m blue in the face: you matter, too.
Your life doesn’t have to be put on pause indefinitely just because someone else needs you. In fact, taking care of your own mental and physical well-being is part of being a great caregiver.
So go to the yoga class. Say yes to girls’ night. Buy yourself the damn noise-canceling headphones.
(Seriously, if you need recs for those, I have thoughts.)
You are still allowed to thrive, even in the middle of this.
Real Talk to Wrap It Up
If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, take a breath. You are not doing this wrong—it’s just really hard.
But you don’t have to do it alone. Lean on your people. Use the tools that help. And come back here anytime—we’re figuring this all out together, one imperfect, grace-filled step at a time.
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
With love (and a giant cup of coffee),
💛 Renee